Shouldn't We Start Again?
by Fiona12690
Summary: Post-STID. He was dead and then he wasn't. Perhaps Jim shouldn't be alone with his thoughts or news feeds. McKirk, Drabble/Missing Scene.


**Shouldn't We Start Again?**

**Summary: Post-STID.** He was dead and then he wasn't. Perhaps Jim shouldn't be alone with his thoughts or new feeds. **McKirk, Drabble/Missing Scene.**

He remembered that he was dying from an overload of radiation, remembered his eyes tunneling and the darkness clouding over the light. He remembered being forced by his body to let go.

How Bones tells it, is that he was dead and then he wasn't. He was barely dead in Doctor McCoy's definition.

Ever since he had opened his eyes something in Jim just didn't feel right; it felt like he had woken up to something new, even though the visuals had remained the same; James T. Kirk felt as if he had been reborn to a changed world.

And Jim was probably right.

When he was left alone he had glanced at some of the live feeds reporting about the destruction in San Francisco. All of those people, alive and dead being pulled from the wreckage of what those fallen building stood for. A list that grew and never seemed to end had been released as the bodies of the dead are being named; while the living are whisked away from the scene and taken into medical left and right.

After watching what must have been hours upon hours of such distressing images, the feed finally cut. The tragedy wasn't over and the reporters most likely hadn't stopped speaking, but the visuals had been taken from his view. It was then that Jim had figured out that someone must have come back, to see him much earlier than usual.

" Don't even think about it." The gruff tone of voice commanded. Bones quickly set down the items in his possession amongst the rest of the crap that Jim hadn't bothered to clear away before they had left in pursue of John H... Khan.

" Don't know what you mean, Bones."

" Don't you?" McCoy asked rhetorically. " You look at those feeds everyday when you think you're alone and you feel guilty. Don't."

Jim's eyes turned towards the Doctor. " How can I not? Is it not me who set Khan free from the Brig? Was it not me who... Dammit, I should've..."

Leonard rushed forward grabbing the still healing Captain by his arms, hauled him to his feet and gave him a firm shake. " Dammit Jim, no you shouldn't have. You're not like them! You're not vengeful like Khan or murderous like Marcus."

Jim's eyes flashed dangerously and he muttered. " But I wanted to be."

Leonard couldn't take it anymore and pulled Jim into his arms, holding onto him tightly. Jim tucked his head beneath Bones' chin and latched onto the Doctor's clothing. They stood there as still as each of them could be and let time pass slowly.

" Bones I feel different." Jim whispered softly, breaking the silence. McCoy tried to pull back from Jim in order to examine him, but Jim wasn't having it and pressed himself even closer to the other man. It took several more attempts before McCoy stopped trying to pull away and let Jim relax into his embrace, letting him continue to speak out. " I have since I woke up, Bones. Everything feels so new and I don't exactly know where my place is, but I feel so... new."

" In what way, Jim?"

" Like we should start again." Jim replied honestly. " Maybe with a new beginning, because my ending kind of got diverted and side-lined if you know what I mean."

Bones chuckled, " I believed that ending was filled with way too much angst. It was defective and I had to fix it, you know me."

Jim pulled back a few inches, allowing a small smile gracing his features. Jim's ocean blue eyes connected with Leonard's own cerulean orbs. Neither of them knew who moved forward first, but their lips locked together and their eyes never disconnected; letting both pools of blue shine for each other's pleasure.

Leonard was the first one to pull away, resting his forehead against Jim's, breathing heavily. " Shouldn't we start again?"

" I'm starting where I should have began." Jim responded.

Leonard rose an eyebrow. " So after I threw up on you during our first shuttle ride to the Academy or..."

" Shut up, Bones." Jim laughed softly before pressing his lips to Leonard's once more.

**END**


End file.
